


Leave No Trace Behind

by Auber_Gine_Dreams



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, From predebut to Sapporo, M/M, idolverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:53:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28244985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auber_Gine_Dreams/pseuds/Auber_Gine_Dreams
Summary: This is how they end up going to different coffee shops all over the city, posting some of their “dates” on the fan cafe. Changgu keeps some of the pictures for himself, the candid ones where Hongseok looks beautiful instead of like an idol. They go to a lot of movies together, too, post more pictures with ticket stubs and linked arms. He tells himself that it doesn’t mean anything.It doesn’t. It can’t.It does.
Relationships: Yang Hongseok/Yeo Changgu | Yeo One
Comments: 14
Kudos: 49
Collections: WIP OLYMPICS: WINTER 2020/21





	Leave No Trace Behind

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't know I needed to write this until I woke up and wrote almost the entire thing in a single day. You could call this my Honggu thesis. It's a little in line with Bleak Boyband Bingo in the way idol life is discussed, so if that's something that might bother you you may want to skip this fic. 
> 
> Thanks as always to my Honggu partner in crime, Ayesha! Title is from "Illicit Affairs" by Taylor Swift

It doesn’t start the first time they meet. No, that goes the way it usually does with new trainees. Changgu is 19 when he meets Hongseok, who introduces himself in front of the rest of them comfortably. He’s handsome and he smiles like he hasn’t been beaten down by this yet. If it were him, Changgu thinks, he wouldn’t be so kind. Rejection after scandal after rejection would make him far too jaded to try again. 

After the first week, he blends into their group like he’s always been there. Which is good. Other than Jinho, Hongseok has the most actual idol experience. Sure, they’ve done a stage here and there, but Hongseok was on a survival show. His fan gifts crowd the entrance to their practice room and there hasn’t even been a word yet on if they will debut at all.

Changgu mentions this, offhand, during a break. Changgu chugs a bottle of water and Hongseok laughs, using the corner of his tank top to wipe the sweat off his forehead. 

“You were in a music video, right?” Hongseok asks. Changgu nods, surprised Hongseok knows about it. Hongseok huffs a laugh. “That counts for something. You’re just as experienced. Don’t discredit yourself.”

Changgu is almost mad. It’s a quick thing, snappy in a way he fights down most days. Hongseok is acting too familiar. Even as a hyung, he doesn’t want Hongseok speaking to him like that. He keeps the words in, but the eye roll betrays him. Hongseok sighs and stands up, walking over to Hwitaek to talk with him for the precious few moments they have left before practice starts again. 

Later, in bed, Changgu thinks that Hongseok was actually being nice to him. The feeling that settles in his gut at the realization is unfamiliar. At practice the next day, he bows nearly ninety degrees when he tells Hongseok he’s sorry for his behavior. Hongseok grins and claps him on the shoulder and it’s forgotten just like that.

The feeling goes away, but another one takes its place. His eyes linger on Hongseok’s back during rehearsal, and he thinks this one might stick around for a while. 

☉

Being an idol is everything Changgu thought it would be, but he wasn’t really prepared for it, either. The company does its best, of course. They learn acting and they learn how to speak without a hint of dialect, but no one teaches them how to handle other things. Like the way cheering fans make Changgu’s heart beat so hard he’s dizzy. Like how he feels wholly inadequate on stage and on variety shows. He is not nice enough or handsome enough or funny enough. He certainly doesn’t sing well enough. How did anyone think he was ready for this?

Hongseok handles it all easily. Or maybe it’s all in Changgu’s head. Maybe he’s the only one of them that feels like this, like no matter how much better he gets it will never be enough.

He goes to the gym with Hongseok and tries to work it all out of his system. His body has gotten better, definition in his abs instead of flat, smooth skin. Hongseok, too, has built himself up in a way Changgu didn’t think was possible. He was already muscular to begin with. It’s not a competition, but it sort of is. Changgu wants to keep up, at least. He wants to be good enough to be with the rest of them.

It would be easy to ask. _Hyung, can you show me how_? Hongseok probably wouldn’t tease him too badly. He’d probably say yes. He takes pride in exercise, and having Changgu as his living example would really stoke his ego.

Instead he works himself into an exhausted mess and hopes it does something tangible to his body. He lays down on the floor and watches the ceiling swim in front of his eyes. After a full day of schedules going to the gym feels like too much, but he’s here anyway. Hongseok leans over him and holds out a hand. 

“Let’s get coffee. My treat.”

Changgu spends a lot of time taking care of people. He’s like the main character in a drama, the kind of person who is so busy thinking about others he tends to forget about himself. Hongseok has probably noticed in the years they’ve been together. Maybe it’s time he let him be a hyung. 

Changgu takes his hand and nods. “Yeah. Okay.”

After they shower, Hongseok takes him to a little cafe next to their dorm. His hair is still damp, and really, he should be more careful. They can’t afford to get sick, not this soon after debut. Changgu almost reaches out and ruffles it with his hand to dry it, like that will help somehow. He doesn’t, though.

They drink their coffee and talk about trivial things and Changgu thinks that Hongseok is incredibly lucky. He doesn’t get bothered by the pressure of being an idol, satisfied with being a pretty face and a nice body. Looking good and saying just enough to get by, to please fans. 

He doesn’t even know where to start voicing what he feels, so he keeps it close to his chest. Maybe later, he’ll know how to say it without it coming out wrong. They sit in silence for a bit, sipping iced coffee and staring at the street. There aren’t many people out this late and the emptiness is almost peaceful.

Hongseok puts his hood over his head and turns to him. He’s grinning, and Changgu finds that the more time they spend together the more infectious it becomes. 

“Yeo One-ssi,” Hongseok starts, his mock MC voice enough to make Changgu snort. “One week into debut, how do you feel?”

Changgu, no, Yeo One (it’s like putting on a pressed suit, uncomfortable but something he can relax into with time), clears his throat and leans into the pretend microphone. 

“I’m grateful for the fans who have come to cheer for us. I’ll work harder in the future.”

Hongseok takes the hand holding the pretend mic and runs it through Changgu’s hair. He glances up. Hongseok’s expression is somewhere between exasperated and sad.

“You’re working hard. Everyone can see that. Good results will come. I promise.”

His hand lingers on the back of Changgu’s neck, and he feels a tug in his chest. It’s like he knows all the things swirling around in his head without Changgu saying anything at all. Either Changgu is a lot more obvious than he wants to be, or...

He smiles up at Hongseok.

“Thanks, hyung.”

They live in separate dorms, so they split off at the playground between the two. The space between them is a block, maybe, but tonight it feels like too much. Changgu wants to spend all night talking to Hongseok. He lays in his bed and listens to Yanan’s soft breathing and thinks about what it would be like to tug Hongseok against him and press their lips together.

And maybe this is when it starts.

☉

He doesn’t know why he says it, later. Maybe because spending time with Hongseok is the most comfortable thing in the world. Maybe because he was so nervous he blurted out the first thing to cross his mind. He watches the video on Youtube and flops against his bed with a groan. He feels like a fool. Hongseok talks into the camera and Changgu is trying to look natural and failing, but that’s not why Changgu is groaning. 

_It’s like a secret love affair_. 

Hongseok’s fist bumps against his, and Changgu feels like walking into the sea. It’s for the fans, Changgu says to himself. And it is, except that it’s exactly what it feels like when they meet after practice. Changgu’s heart races and his hood is pulled down low and they sit on the swings and talk for hours. He wonders what it must look like from the outside. Two boys meeting up a few times a week, sometimes sharing a meal or coffee, staying until the sun is long gone and the streetlights are all that illuminate them. 

It feels like a love affair. There’s less fear in getting caught, but it’s the thrill of waiting, of meeting for a few stolen hours. 

Changgu is 20 years old and he still doesn’t know what he should tell fans and what he should keep to himself, what means something and what _means something_. 

And it _does_ mean something, though he isn’t ready to talk about why. Spending time with Hongseok is for him, but showing off their friendship is something the fans like to see. The lines are blurring. Personal and professional. It’s hard to find the balance even though it was so clear when he was a trainee. Like his hometown covered in fog, familiar but disorienting. 

This is how they end up going to different coffee shops all over the city, posting some of their “dates” on the fan cafe. Changgu keeps some of the pictures for himself, the candid ones where Hongseok looks beautiful instead of like an idol. They go to a lot of movies together, too, post more pictures with ticket stubs and linked arms. He tells himself that it doesn’t mean anything. 

It doesn’t. It can’t.

It does.

☉

Their new single isn’t like anything they’ve done before. The set for the music video is colorful and they’re all paired up. Changgu is honestly a little shocked when he’s paired with Hongseok. Usually they stick him with Jinho, and Changgu is paired with Yanan. Hwitaek and Hyojong are together, so at least there’s some sense of normalcy (though prying the two of them apart would take divine intervention). 

_You’re so pretty it kills me_. The lyrics are all about being in love. That’s fine. Changgu is used to singing about love, and he’s intimately familiar with the feeling of thinking someone is so beautiful he could die (for months now, or maybe longer if he’s being honest). 

It’s when they’re on set that he realizes what’s going on. The stylist slips a ring on Hongseok’s finger. They’re matching, so he waits for one of his own but it never comes. They do a quick shot of both of them slipping a red flower into their suit pocket. Then they squat down at the director’s request. He calls action and when the music plays Changgu stops breathing. 

_Oh goosebumps, it fits you perfectly_   
_How come the same ring_ _  
Is on my finger?_

There’s a shot of them holding hands somewhere in there, Hongseok’s warm and dry against his palm. Hongseok stares into his eyes, twists the ring on his finger and points at it. Like he’s saying, _Here’s mine. I’ve got one for you, too_. Like he’s playing out the lyrics line by line. Changgu looks into the camera and it must be exactly what the director wants because they only have to do one take 

It feels like all the breath has been knocked out of him. The suits, the matching flower in their breast pocket. The ring. The lyrics. It’s like they’re actually getting — 

Changgu sits with his head between his knees and tries not to think about how fast his heart is still racing, how Hongseok’s hand lit something inside of him, something that he’s been trying to ignore for a long time. 

There’s a leg against his, and when he looks up Hongseok is sitting next to him. He passes over the iced americano he’s been sipping on and Changgu takes it wordlessly. 

“It’s been a long day,” Hongseok says, leaning his head back against the wall. “We should be done soon.”

 _What the fuck was that scene,_ is what Changgu wants to ask him. If he makes a big deal out of it then Hongseok will think there’s something wrong with him, or maybe he’ll read into it and realize he doesn’t like the implication of it. It’s just their job. It’s not like they don’t hold hands or hug. Sometimes Hongseok even falls asleep with his head in Changgu’s lap. 

Changgu sighs. “We have tomorrow, too. It’ll be worth it, though.”

Hongseok hums. “We’re getting there. It’s a good song. This might be the one.”

Fans say that Changgu is always happy, but the truth is that Hongseok is the one who always finds the glass half full. He finds himself seeking the way Hongseok knows what he needs without having to say it.

He leans his head on Hongseok’s shoulder and closes his eyes. “Let’s hope so.”

☉

Changgu is 21 years old and the pressure to succeed is like a permanent weight, iron armor he can never take off. They have fans, and they have each other. They don’t, however, have public recognition. Or a music show win. Behind closed doors, in the practice room and in the dorms it eats at them. One night after practice Changgu catches Hwitaek with his face buried in Hyojong’s shoulder. They love each other in a way that is tangible. Love that blooms like a daisy, open for everyone to see. Hwitaek is their rock but Hyojong is his, and Changgu never tells anyone about the wet patch on Hyojong’s shirt when he pulls away. 

Their first self composed single does well, does fine, but it’s not enough. They pour their hearts out in the lyrics, _even_ _if I fall and my knees bleed I’ll keep running_. The second, too, isn’t giving them the results they want. Changgu is 21 years old and he feels like he’s running out of time. It’s like they’re lost at sea, exhausted and moments from missing the rope that will haul them to safety. He hits the gym harder than everyone except Hongseok, takes his frustration out on his own body. 

“You’re going to hurt yourself if you don’t stretch,” Hongseok chides gently from across the gym. Changgu rolls his eyes but steps back from the barbell to do a few quick stretches. 

“Spot me then,” Changgu says. Hongseok returns his exasperated eye roll but stands dutifully behind him. They alternate sets. By the last one Hongseok has to help him through it, hands both light and firm on the bar next to his own. Their bodies are so close that when the rack catches he can feel the warmth of Hongseok’s skin on his back. 

_What are we doing_? Changgu wants to ask. About the group. About them. Their “dates” are just as frequent, and with the gym Changgu is basically spending all his free time with Hongseok. It means something, and not just because the fans make signs with their names squished together. 

“What are we doing?” Changgu asks, the words barely a whisper. Hongseok stares at him in the mirror and it’s too much. Changgu ducks under the barbell and storms off into the locker room. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Hongseok’s voice echoes off the empty walls. “You’ve been acting weird lately.”

“This is pointless,” Changgu says. It’s the first time he’s said it out loud. “We’ve been doing this for two years and what do we have to show for it? What have we been working our asses off for?”

Hongseok runs a hand through his hair. His eyes are hard in a way Changgu doesn’t often see aimed at him. 

“Are you saying it’s not worth it?”

Changgu nearly growls. He slams his fist against the locker. 

“I’m saying that it’s not _fair_. I don’t understand how you aren’t bothered at all.” Changgu levels his eyes at Hongseok and sneers. “Or are your always the muscle head idol Hongseok now? No care in the world as long as you can show off your body and make the girls scream.”

Hongseok strides closer and pushes him against the wall. Changgu’s heart slams against his ribs. It’s easy to be angry, and it’s easy to take it out on Hongseok. With all the time they spend together pressing his buttons is too easy. Most of the time it’s harmless bickering between them, but this is different.

“You know me better than that,” Hongseok says, his eyes boring into Changgu like fire, like something that is going to hurt. “Of course it’s hard. It’s hard on all of us. Not that you’ve bothered to ask with how selfish you’ve been.” His arm is above Changgu’s head, their faces so close together Changgu is breathing the air Hongseok breathes out. “You’ve got to go easier on yourself, Changgu. If you keep thinking about it like this it’ll eat you alive. What we have is good. We want more, every group wants more, but we have enough. If this is as far as we can go, it’s not the end of the world.”

“You’re wrong,” Changgu whispers. Hongseok’s eyebrows shoot up. “It’s not good. It’s not enough.” He takes a breath. “I want more.”

It’s the first time he’s said _this_ out loud, too. He fists his hands into Hongseok’s tank top and kisses him. They are the same height, and it takes no effort to fit their bodies together. Hongseok inhales sharply but he doesn’t pull away. It’s more like he settles against him, hand moving to cup Changgu’s jaw and change the angle of their kiss until it’s perfect.

It feels like nothing special and like the entire world has rearranged itself all at once. Hongseok is his best friend, his hyung, the person he wants to see even when he’s seen him all day. His mouth is warm and it feels inevitable, like no matter where or when they would always end up here. 

Changgu loses himself in the feel of Hongseok’s body pressed against his, the gentle swipe of his tongue before he opens up and lets him in. He grips Hongseok’s hips and his entire body is on fire. He wants and wants and wants. 

When they break apart Hongseok presses their foreheads together.

 _What are we doing_ , Changgu thinks again, but before he can open his mouth to say it Hongseok laughs under his breath.

“I’ve been waiting for you to do that.”

“Really?” Changgu asks, voice thick. All he can think about is the way Hongseok looks at him sometimes, about how maybe he’s been reading this all wrong. Maybe it all means something to him, too.

Hongseok presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth and steps back. 

“I thought I was imagining it. I didn’t want to mess things up, so I just waited to see if you would make a move.” He bends down and hoists his gym bag over his shoulder. “I’m glad you did.”

“I’m,” Changgu starts. He steps away from the wall and grabs his stuff out of his own locker. When he turns around Hongseok is waiting for him. He laces their fingers together for just a moment, lets himself feel light as air, and grins. “Me too.”

It doesn’t fix everything, but it does make him feel like he can take things as they come.

So maybe he was wrong. Maybe this is when it starts. 

☉

Nothing really changes between them after. They practice and they work out and they go for coffee. They meet at the playground between their dorms and sometimes Changgu sneaks a kiss to the back of Hongseok’s hand, flushed face obscured by his hoodie, heart pounding from the thrill. The first time he does it he swears he hears the click of a camera and his blood turns to ice, but Hongseok squeezes his hand and it’s easy to shake it off. Changgu goes to his dorm a few times (because Hyojong is either not there or in Hwitaek’s room), and they spend a few hours making out like teenagers, grinding against each other on the small bed until Changgu is so close to coming he’s shaking. 

“Can’t we just —” Changgu breathes out.

Hongseok smirks, slipping a hand between their bodies to palm over Changgu’s erection.

“Soon.”

He finishes Changgu off with one hand down his pants and the other over his mouth. He comes so hard he feels it for hours after. 

☉

If Changgu knew anything about astrology he might spend some time looking into how he and Hongseok are exactly the same even though they were born almost two years apart. He doesn’t really need it, though. It’s obvious in the way they talk to each other, the way everything is so easy between them, how the transition from friend to more than friend happened so naturally Changgu can’t put his finger on when things really changed. Hongseok has been all over the world, lived in countless cities and countries, trained with different companies, and yet somehow they ended up in the same place at just the right time. Like they were always meant to meet.

Sapporo is something they both ask for. Joint filming for their birthdays, a nice gift for the fans, one last break before their next promotion cycle. Somehow, they get the okay. Nothing feels more like a secret love affair than Changgu sliding into the van with Hongseok and a manager and no one else. 

It’s a short flight, and they get dinner as soon as they land. Changgu films everything, alternates between the nice camera he’s been given and his phone. They upload pictures to the fan cafe, too. Hongseok readies a picture of them exploring the city, captioned with the two men with a heart between them emoji. Changgu forgets to breathe after he posts it.

Their manager is nice enough to give them a room to themselves. He’s across the hall instead of next to them which is more than Changgu ever dared to hope for. 

Snow covers the ground and they slip outside to soak in their private tub. It’s not the first time they’ve been naked in front of each other but it feels different here. Maybe it’s the frigid air and the steaming water, or maybe it’s the fact that they’re alone for the first time since they kissed. 

Hongseok pulls him into his lap and Changgu kisses him, hands braced on the edge of the tub. It pales in comparison to the times they’ve kissed before. Changgu wants Hongseok so bad it’s all he can think about, wants to ride him until they both see stars (or whichever, he’s not picky). 

Hands wander under the water and their tongues move together, Hongseok groaning into his mouth. His hands wrap around Changgu’s hips and he pulls him closer, half hard erections rubbing against each other in the space between them. 

Changgu breaks the kiss and rolls his hips, the friction enough for him to tip his head back. Above them are trees blanketed in snow and more stars than he has seen in his entire life. Hongseok mouths at his neck and Changgu thinks this might be what religion is like. Blood and body and holy spirit in the air between them.

Hongseok wraps his hand around Changgu’s cock and he gasps in a breath, crashing their lips back together. He grinds down and Hongseok shudders, his other hand squeezing his hip and urging him on. 

“We should go inside,” Changgu pants against his mouth. Hongseok smirks and strokes him faster, nice onsen be damned. It’s enough to make Changgu groan and bury his face in Hongseok’s neck. He sucks a mark there because he can, because there is no one around to see and Hongseok is being an awful tease when it would be easy for the two of them to run inside and pick up where they left off.

“Ask nicely,” Hongseok says, canting his hips so Changgu can feel the outline of him against his ass even more. 

Changgu rolls his eyes and grins.

“Can we go inside, hyung, or do I have you carry you in myself?”

Hongseok snorts. “You wish you were strong enough for that.”

Since Changgu started working out more seriously, it’s become much more of a competition between them. Hongseok is more muscular, but Changgu knows he’s stronger. He’s not one to back down from a challenge, either.

So, Changgu stands and picks him up bridal style. It’s worth it to see the expression on Hongseok’s face. He sets him down and Hongseok kisses him hungrily. 

“Okay. That’s kind of hot,” Hongseok admits breathlessly when they break apart. He steps out of the bath and doesn’t even bother wrapping a towel around his waist. Changgu is right behind him. 

They lay down next to each other and Changgu feels a little in over his head. In the dim light of their room, bare on the bed, he’s nervous. This isn’t some rushed handjob or after practice make out session. He’s never done this before. Hongseok probably has, though. There’s no way he looks like that and hasn’t fucked _someone_.

“I’ve never,” Changgu starts, fighting past the heat rising to his face,“done this before.”

Hongseok’s smile is teasing, but his eyes are warm, gentle even. 

“Tell me what you want.” He wraps a leg around Changgu and pulls him in closer. “I’m fine with anything.”

Changgu kisses him and savors it. The taste of Hongseok’s mouth, the time he spends imagining opening Hongseok up and sliding inside of him, getting Hongseok’s mouth around his dick. 

He rolls them so he’s on top, hands bracketing Hongseok’s head. Both of them are breathing hard and they’ve barely done anything at all.

“I want to suck you off,” Changgu says. Hongseok nods, dazed. “But I want you to fuck me.”

“Yeah?” Hongseok’s smile is wicked, pleased like when he nails choreography. 

“Yeah,” he answers, sitting up and settling between his legs. Hongseok’s cock twitches when he wraps his hand around him. 

Changgu has always been the kind of person to jump headfirst into something. Telling Hongseok about his feelings is different, though, something he would have endured the rest of their careers if he had to. But for most other things in his life, it’s almost impulsive. Instead of being nervous about the whole thing, Changgu takes as much of Hongseok in his mouth as he can and glances up at him between his lashes. It’s a lot, but the expression of shock and pleasure on Hongseok’s face makes it worth it. 

Changgu takes his time exploring Hongseok, tongue swirling around the head and hand coming up to touch what he can’t fit in his mouth. Arousal simmers low in his gut while he watches Hongseok come undone. He bobs his head and flicks his wrist until his jaw aches. Hongseok’s hips jerk and his cock hits the back of his throat and Changgu feels dizzy from how hard he is. He comes off Hongseok and licks his lips. 

“You’re so,” Changgu starts, breathless. Hongseok grins. 

“Hot? Sexy? Perfect?”

“Irritating.” Changgu pushes his knee but he can’t hide his smile. “Do you want to fuck me or not?”

Hongseok grabs Changgu’s wrist and pulls. He ends up hovering over him again, so close their noses are touching. 

“For a long time,” he says softly. Changgu’s breath catches when Hongseok kisses him. He still doesn’t know what they are, what they’re doing, how long this is going to last, but when Hongseok switches their positions and wraps a hand around his aching cock it doesn’t really matter.

Hongseok breaks the kiss and leans across his body to dig in his suitcase, furrowing his brows as he feels around for what he’s looking for. He returns with lube and a wicked grin. It’s when Hongseok settles between his legs that he starts to get nervous. Changgu has fingered himself before, but this is a lot more. Hongseok must know because he rubs the inside of his thigh gently.

“I haven’t done this in a while, but I’ve got you,” he says. The way he says it, like he needs Changgu to know he’s experienced, nearly makes him laugh out loud. It’s just very like him. Hongseok takes being a hyung seriously. Changgu just didn’t think it would extend to sex, too.

“I know,” he says. He wants to keep the mood light, but Changgu can’t help how sincere he sounds.

Hongseok nods, lip between his teeth as he slicks up his fingers and wraps a hand around Changgu’s cock. He slips his finger inside on the upstroke. It’s more pressure than anything, not bad but not really good either. Hongseok starts a slow rhythm, slows the hand on his cock down to match the pace. Changgu shivers, canting his hips into Hongseok’s hand. He wants, no, _needs_ more. Hongseok laughs under his breath. 

“Impatient.”

Changgu rolls his eyes. “Like you aren’t.” Hongseok speeds up just enough to make Changgu groan. God, he’s never been this hard in his _life_. “You can go a little faster. I promise I can handle it.”

Hongseok adds a second finger and Changgu throws his head back. _Fuck_. It’s a lot but not enough all at once. Hongseok curls his fingers and swipes his thumb across the head of his cock. He hits his prostate dead on. Changgu’s toes curl from the wave of pleasure that floods his system. 

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Changgu gasps. Hongseok smirks and does it again. His spine feels liquid, legs shaking from how good it feels. He doesn’t even realize Hongseok has slipped a third finger in. Everything speeds up after that, the hand on his cock, the fingers thrusting deep inside of him. Changgu twists his hands in the blankets, unsure of which hand he wants to chase more. Heat pools in his abdomen. He’s about to open his mouth and tell Hongseok he’s got to stop before he comes, but Hongseok leans down and presses a sloppy, open mouthed kiss to the head of his cock and pulls his fingers out. 

_Fuck_ , Changgu thinks dizzily.

Hongseok must have pulled out a condom with the lube, though Changgu doesn’t remember seeing it. He rolls it on and slicks himself up, hand tight around himself as he twists his wrist, rubbing his palm over the head of his cock. 

He spends enough time working himself up that Changgu nudges him with his knee and huffs.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m getting to it,” Hongseok says through gritted teeth. He wraps his hands around Changgu’s thighs and lines himself up. Their eyes lock as he pushes in. Changgu has to remind himself to breathe. It’s so intense (he refuses to say anything out loud. The last thing Hongseok needs is confirmation he has a big dick). 

It’s a slow slide before Hongseok bottoms out. He leans down and kisses him, hot and urgent. He can feel the tension in Hongseok’s body, tight like a bow string. His cock is pressed between their bodies. The friction, the slide of Hongseok’s tongue against his own, is enough to have him rolling his hips, desperate for Hongseok to move.

When he breaks the kiss, he starts a slow rhythm, pulling out half way and pushing in carefully. It feels like Changgu’s entire body is hooked to a live wire, pleasure crackling down his spine even with the stretch. Maybe because of it, if he’s being honest. He rolls his hips into Hongseok, and together they build up to something steady. Hongseok gets up on his knees again, hands tight on his waist. Changgu wraps a leg around his hips for leverage, digging his heel into his back when he grazes his prostate. 

Changgu groans, eyes fluttering when Hongseok strokes him there again. When they meet eyes, Hongseok's bottom lip is trapped between his teeth. 

“You sound good,” Hongseok grits out. “I want to hear you.”

There’s a part of him that wants to be quiet just to spite him, but Hongseok keeps hitting his prostate dead on and he can’t help it, really. Hongseok speeds up with each sound, and soon Channgu is moaning on every thrust, desperate for release.

“Faster, _please_ , _god_ ,” Changgu says, close enough to a whine that his face burns. 

Hongseok lets go of his waist and leans forward, slamming into him in a way that has him arching off the bed. 

Changgu is so close he can taste it. He reaches down to stroke his cock and Hongseok moans, loud and open. Fuck, Changgu thinks. _Fuck fuck fuck_.

“ _I’m_ ,” Changgu starts. Hongseok nods, dazed. 

“Me too.”

Changgu strokes himself faster, matching Hongseok’s rhythm. It hits them both at the same time, like some kind of cliche movie moment. Hongseok thrusts deep once, twice, and he shudders as he comes. He meets Changgu’s eyes, pupils blown, and that’s what does it. Changgu comes so hard it streaks his collar bone, his whole body shuddering as Hongseok works them both through it. 

Hongseok leans down and kisses him. There’s still a bite to it, something hungry, like Hongseok could go again right now. It swoops through him, and for a moment he wonders if it will always be like this between them. Always wanting more. Never satisfied. 

He pulls out and ties off the condom, taking it into the bathroom before coming back with a towel. He tosses it on Changgu’s stomach and Changgu makes a big fuss of having to clean himself off. Hongseok just rolls his eyes, clearly more fond than exasperated.

Hongseok lays next to him and tucks an arm under his head. They’re quiet for a while. Everything is hushed around them, the snow muffling any noise from outside. It’s just the sound of their breathing, Changgu’s heart loud in his ears. 

“Well?” Hongseok asks. 

“Seriously?” Changgu teases. “I really have to stroke your ego after that?”

If Changgu were braver, he might say something like _I’m glad it was you. I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else._

“It was good,” is what he says instead. Hongseok pouts. Changgu sighs loudly. “Fine. It was great. It was so good I fell in love with you on the spot.”

Changgu freezes. So much for not being brave. 

Hongseok is quiet for a beat. 

“Yeah?” he asks softly. His eyes are huge and warm and maybe a little scared, too. It makes Changgu feel better, somehow. “Do you mean it?”

Changgu moves closer and presses a kiss to the corner of Hongseok’s mouth. “Yeah. Why would I say anything if I didn’t mean it?”

Hongseok leans in and kisses him for real, soft and warm and full of, well, love. Changgu’s heart squeezes tight.

“I just,” Hongseok starts when they break apart. “I don’t know. Thought this might be something fun for you. And I was okay with that. It’s just nice that you want it to be more. I do, too.”

He almost says I love you again out loud, but Hongseok already knows. Instead he presses his face into Hongseok’s neck and lets sleep wash over him. 

☉

The next few days pass in a blur of soaking in baths and delicious food, of posting pictures that toe the line of truth and fooling around with Hongseok until he’s so worn out he can’t move. Changgu posts a selfie with pink cheeks and damp hair and their group chat buzzes with notifications not even three minutes later. Maybe Hongseok makes him brave, or maybe it’s that being an idol means people see what they want to see. Fans will swoon at his racy boyfriend pictures and Hongseok will know the real reason he’s so debauched and no one will be the wiser. 

All in all it’s a successful trip. A secret honeymoon to add to their secret love affair. His heart beats harder every time he thinks about it. 

He spends the entire first day back in bed, texting Hongseok like they haven’t been together for the past few days. Like some kind of lovesick fool. He edits the video he owes the company and can’t help but groan at how many shots of Hongseok there are. Anyone with eyes can see Changgu is in love with him. 

_Fuck it_ , he thinks when he picks the background music and passes the file to their manager for review. _Let them see_.

When the video goes up, Hongseok sends him a coffee emoji and a heart emoji and really, nothing will ever compare to what he feels in that moment. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yell at me about Honggu any time!
> 
> [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/woncheoling) // [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/tsukkitaeil)


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